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constance_fry

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  So I am sitting here wanting to cry for some reason. I have no clue why. My heart feels so heavy. I have not been thinking about what he had done either. It has been like nothing happened and things are going okay. No arguments and such have taken place lately. I am wondering if it is the lack of attention I am getting. I know that he cannot see me every moment of the day, but maybe some? I feel like I am a disgust to him or something. I cannot understand all of this. I wish that things were different. I do not know how, just different. There is a void in my life and I have been trying to fill it. I have been wanting to get some hobbies but nothing satisfies.
   I am wondering if I need to go to a therapist. I am wondering if I am bipolar or suffer from depression. I am thinking the first of the two. I do not have anyway to get help for it though. I feel like I am going insane and I have no way to get away from it. I am being punished I am sure for ruining his life. God wants me to see what it feels like to suffer. I am trying to cope, but it is just leading to a path that I do not wish to travel. I have not wanted to travel the one I am on, but that is what happened so here I am. I thought that I could do this but I am was wrong. I need help.
Current Mood:
scared scared
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Have you even had a moment, an hour, or a day that renewed your faith in the fundamental goodness of humankind?

No, I had a moment, several hours, many days, and now a year that has caused me to realize over and over that I will get hurt by this "mankind". Especially MAN.
Current Mood:
nauseated nauseated
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Do you think it's possible to fall in love with the same person twice in a lifetime? Or do you believe everyone gets just one chance to make it or break it?

Love, you are kidding right? I thought I believed in that. I do not believe in love anymore. I wish I could. I wish someone would show me I am wrong.
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  I find myself asking the same question everyday. Should I do to him what he did to me? Will that help me to get over it? I think not, but is it worth doing it anyway. Should I let myself get drunk and get mad at him and then go to another man for pain release? I really do not want to, but how do I stop the pain I feel everyday?
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The transition from youth to adulthood can be smooth or incredibly difficult. What is the most important lesson you learned since middle school, and how has it guided you?

 I learned a valuable lesson in college. Never take someone for granted. Really look at them and talk with them each day. It may be the last time you get to.
Current Mood:
blank blank
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Have you ever witnessed someone being bullied and just walked away? Have you ever gone out of your way to help someone who was being bullied? How do you think it impacted you and the person being bullied?

I had intervened ONCE and then I became one of the two that they bullied. No one intervened for me and I wish there had been.
Current Mood:
cold cold
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 I am not good at writing, never have been. The only time I can write is when I am full of emotion.  I am not right now, just bored. I need friends. I need people to talk to. I am longing for support and comfort. I need this and I am not finding it. I do suppose it is rather soon, I just joined today so yeah. I need to be willing to wait. I am new on here so I do not know how to find anyone. I need to go exploring and just visiting random places. I need to post and post and post some more until I get a response. ugh this is killing me, so I guess I should go and do some hunting.
Current Mood:
worried worried
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In three words, describe what's currently running through your mind.

I am broken
Current Mood:
cold cold
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 Today is the seventeenth of May, 2010. I joined LiveJournal to document everything that is going on in my life. Things from Love, to hate, to being broken to growing. So many other things I will write about because I cannot keep things inside anymore. Today I begin the first chapter to healing.
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